My high school teacher saw it, tried to help me see it but i didn’t cos i did’t want to. It crushed her heart every time she had to see me living outside my abilities.I guess i kinda cherished the feeling of living in denial, knowing that i did not have to be obligated to do it.Yet my heart would literally melt with that sweet charm and beauty of doing something that truly satisfies you.
I was so bent on proving i was just as smart or even maybe way too smart that i burdened my memory with remembering how sodium chloride dissolves in water at room temperature or figure out how to do differentiation by parts or fraction and the climax of my obsession i guess was basically cutting into half a live frog, that adrenaline rush made u feel 2 inches away from a real doctor. In fact, after these practical sessions you’d almost think you can carry out a C- section on a woman in labour! How naive we were! It would feed our egos just well enough, looking down at all the non-science students as slow or just losers dragging their feet through school but almost assured of a mediocre life with their stunted careers! It was a good feeling knowing that you were almost a guaranteed genius (we did not even have to be tested!) yet right now, i want to somehow apologize to them all, my old self made enemies just because they did not know the chemical composition of sodium (its actually Na) or how to adjust a microscope because i also do not know now, so many years after.
My battle was between a girl i so naturally loved, and the very light skinned, navel tattooed, big butt kinda of ideal girl. I really had a connection with girl number one. it was pure chemistry, she would complete my sentences, find humor in my every joke ( not sure i am that funny), make me want to be a better man who lives true to himself yet is constantly challenged to grow and expand and conquer the world around him. She was beautiful inside out (especially inside, actually especially outside, well i guess both just as much) perfect in every way, smooth and articulate in speech, but above all funny and smart. She would not rub her intelligence in your face, but you sure wouldn’t miss it if you met her. Basically on point! Girl number two is crazy and so much fun to hung with. You do couple of tequila shots (Olmeca by the way) on a high paced weekend road trip, drink the night away to margaritas and wake up by the lake side in a green tent and everyday feels like a holiday with her. It feels really good that you are everyone’s dream couple and you catch the envy of many cos she’s really hot and all but the relationship gets you no where!
My girl number one has always been literature and writing. Putting my random thoughts and sometimes weird opinions on paper (not much hand written letters anymore, God, i miss them) brings me so much joy and chokes me with fulfillment and content. I have finally succumbed to her (she sure is irresistible) and promise to be committed and true to this relationship (read blog) for the rest of my amazing life!
I am really sure i want to do this cos i have finally WON my fears and look forward to walking this incredible journey, and you are my witnesses!
I also hope Donald Trump wins not tonight!